Personal: Where I’m At Right Now

I have been wanting to update for a long time now, but I haven’t known where to start or even what to say. So many things have changed in my life and it’s been a difficult summer. I’m taking lots of hits and I’ve barely had the energy to function on a day-to-day basis, much less write blog posts that require effort!

Fortunately, while my life hasn’t necessarily gotten easier, I believe I’m through the worst of it and I’m in a better place emotionally than I was a couple of months ago. “Better” is a relative term, so I’m really not where I’d like to be, but I’m well enough to try to write again. Or, if I’m not truly well, at least I’ve given up on caring for now and either way it results in me sitting down, typing words on a laptop, so it works.

My main reason for avoiding updates on my life is that the emotional baggage is just too big to unpack right now. I know where I could start but I don’t think I have the energy to spend on it. Perhaps I can unpack a little at a time; small chunks are easier to chew.

For now: I’m alive, and trying to find out how to really live as well. Some days all I can do is exist.

That Unseen War

You know what I’m talking about. The daily battles, the never-ending struggle, the unreliable victories…. Not outwardly visible, yet terribly real all the same. The enemy is not the same for everyone, and any individual may face several foes at once. The world frowns at the scars left behind, the wounds old and new, sometimes physical and sometimes emotional; society expects top performance from its members day in and day out, without fail. There are no excuses. But these wars are a plague sweeping through the ranks, silently toppling the very people who support the movement. We’re all left to struggle onward, pretending nothing is wrong, expecting judgment from our fellows and never realizing that they face their own demons.

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